we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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