If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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