Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
