Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
