last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize