She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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