She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
