she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
