how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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