So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
