They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize