wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize