i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
