Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
