i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize