she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
