Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im holly from the hills drunk
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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