i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize