if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
