No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
