me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Blood and glitter go together right?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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