I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i came on her dog
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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