I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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