Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
