I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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