NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
