from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
