no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
