also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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