Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
