I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize