Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
