I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
