Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
