Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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