Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
