Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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