Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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