community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize