1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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