it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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