I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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