She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
