her vagine was all disorganized.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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