These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
