apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
