Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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