dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
