who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
