Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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