If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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