Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
