Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
