its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
