Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
