Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
