I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
