Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
