i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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