Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i now understand why vodka
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
