you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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