idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
