He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Operation Purity has been aborted
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
