I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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