blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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