I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
how drunk are you?
Several
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
