dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
