I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
