so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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