you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Two words: blizzard sex
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
