Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this beer tastes like vomit already
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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