I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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