i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
