dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
