I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize