Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
