Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
