Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
