My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
