Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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