So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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