i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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