Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I need moral support for this bender
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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