y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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