Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I intend to get homeless drunk
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
